In the United States, everyone is sexless.
Or maybe- and I’m just spitballing here — they don’t think women are so rare that they deserve to be stared at like crazy. After all, 50% of their population is female! Imagine!?
But then, the male to female ratio is the same here…
So why, and I’ll repeat this for emphasis, why do Pakistani men insist on staring at every women/girl/transsexual/slightly effeminate creature that crosses their path?
And if the women/girl/transsexual/slightly effeminate creature was seminally attractive I might not be ranting right now; after all ogling good-looking people is quite normal… but yesterday I actually watched men turning their heads while a shuttle-cock burqa-posh woman passed by. The question that should pop into any sane mind: what on earth are they staring at?
Believe it or not, this isn’t an unusual occurrence. Our former maid, who was at least a hundred pounds overweight and travelled in a black tent that eventually gave her TB, would often complain of men following her on motorcycles and asking her whether she needed a lift (a crane more likely *bitchy me grins*). Khaer, is just knowing that there is a woman inside that abaya or burqa enough to give her the relentless staring sequence? Do men get turned on even by what they imagine to be inside? Really?!
Or maybe it’s the walk that attracts them. Yeah, could be. I mean, they can’t see her. And she’s walking. So I guess that’s the logical conclusion.
But I’m not walking on Facebook, or Orkut.
I got this message on Facebook recently, (I’ve completely given up orkut) from this dude named Osman:
Salam, well i am a new user on facebook. I am looking for a true, special and harmless friend, one who can see right through my eyes,who can touch my soul, who can feel my eyes, who can penetrate deep down my thoughts. With whom i can share my inside and out without any fear. One who can stand by me forever. As u know fate decides our relatives, we choose friends ourself, so i need a friend of my dreams. A friend who can be sincere before whom i can think out loud. I am a person who dont like fame nor crowed rather a corner of peace with few but special friends. I feel friendship is like strings of violine, the music may stop but the strings will last forever. I need a friend with whom i can share my secrets deep, who can be a shoulder to cry on when the days are blue. One who can only see me in crowed who can hear only me in noise. I will give calm and comfort n will be by ur side even when the whole world will be against u, i will protect u and with unselfish love i will protect u. I assure u that for me ur dignity and respect will be more dear then my own. I am a person who have two treasures in life one is my smile and other is my tears, my smile is for others and my tears are just for me. I can change ur frown into a smile, when u r down. I will understand ur little trials and will lend a hand. I will share ur litte dreams cuz i care. For me u will be gold, i will give all love ur heart can hold. U will never be alone, i will be near to u, all u need is to call, i will always be there for u. so if u think u have similar thoughts n u need similar kinda friend, then do reply me, even if not then always keep smiling cuz u know ur smile is great source of oxygen for ur loved ones, i wish life treat u kind and u will have all u wish for n above all this i wish love and respect of all. Allah Hafiz
Anybody who actually reached the end of it, please mail me a summary. I didn’t bother reading past the first sentence.
And, I’m not walking when I’m answering my cell phone. There are 12 numbers on my screened list. People who’ve randomly called my number and decided they liked the tone of my voice, and thus also decided they could be my “treu frandâ€.
I’m sorry. I don’t talk to strangers. And sadly, no girl you’d actually tell your parents about and wish to marry would talk to strangers either. You couldn’t trust someone like that. Funny, you can play around as long as you want, and expect your life partner to be spotless. Oh right…, but you’re not here to play, you’re out to make ‘treu frands’.
This isn’t a feminist outburst. It’s a human outburst. It’s a request to be treated as a human. We’re asking for the right to look pretty without feeling dirty, surrounded by a hundred eyes, which aren’t admiring…they’re undressing. The right to not be male and not feel guilty about it. I would assume extraterrestrials would be stared at if they ever decided to visit Earth on vacation. maybe someone with multiple piercings on their face might also be the focus of a lot of pedestrian attention…I know I’d be pretty interested if I saw a leather-clad flamingo walking down Zaibunnisa street. But a girl? Don’t you have one of those at home? Oh, not that one? Err…ok, how is she any different?
And so. That’s what you do. You stare at any female-looking thing that accidentally steps out of her home; have a few disgusting thoughts about her, laugh to yourself, then go back and tell your sister or daughter to wear a burqa when she goes for tuitions. You know what men are like. You’re one of ‘em.
Male headquarters, alert. Intelligent female on ranting spree.
Time to go deaf. Again.
@osama thts da bigggest pick up line….actually a pickup phrase tht ive ever seen
miss hira syed I agree
i always was against the whole starring thing tht guys normally do bac in pakistan but u know wat when i discussed on this topic with ppl the answers i got were
1. so wat thts wat guys normally do….
2. thts so normal wats wrong with tht
3. come on theres sumthin wrong with u;-p
4. u should admire natures beauty
5. they show it to us so we see it
6. boys will be boys
7. ur gay
and u know wat most of the opinions were from women so anyway
one part of us tells us tht ooo hanging out with a naa mehram is wrong n bad n stuff n the other part keeps ogling and starring at any hot chick tht passes by….so i guess theres a lot confusion in belief
yeah n da part where we wud stare at any other gurl but when it comes to our family we wud rather beat the hell out of anyone who stares our women i mean sounds so @#*%#$%#
i guess i cant change anything by writing all tht anyway nice article,n have a coke it might slow down da harmone rush phupppo jeee
hmm!!…nice article!!…..anyways chk dis article too!! http://www.thenews.com.pk/daily_detail.asp?id=93727….its kinda relevant to dis topic!!
Well a nice article … but of course biased not all men or boys fit the description uve sketched in this article of yours …. u have no idea how one may feel sick of seeing teenagers coochie cooing in corners .. the immediate act would be to change ur path right away rather than commenting what a bad thing it is and blah blah blah….. so it is better to be on the right path and do good deeds rather than commenting on other peoples bad deeds ….. ALLAH is the best caretaker of all and of course “AS SHALL YOU SOW, SO SHALL YOU REEP”
Regards…
great write-up hira, men are stupid and demented creatures on earth…..dey don’t get the respect so dey dont bother giving some to anyone else.
its so true dat girls cant walk down the street peacefully, its like men hav dese x-rays in dere eyes.
da osama guy seems to be one of the vry common cases of despo-caring-creatures.
God help us females!
correct link
http://www.thenews.com.pk/daily_detail.asp?id=93727
lol………….mako i agreee!!!
how can i forget that night at itehad shouting out loud PAEEY… regards, Rival ;p
mako yo`re contradicting yo`re self…… remember wht yo were doin at itehad, shouting out loud PAEY KHILADO!!!! regards, RIVAL ;P
@faizan
i nvr said im an angel
after all i do belong to da same demented gender
anyway its a university forum not a personnal forum mr rival n get over it man shez married……
see thts wat this article is pointin out desperate guyzzzz hehehe
chao
dont u dare be the phupa of the article author,
nice work hira, i was always impressed by you versed thoughts and this about men , wow,!! i agreed before , m agreeing and will always agree.
Tc and keep writing , u rulz , hail to hira !!!!!!
@mako
married?? who are we talking about?? PAAEYY?? or your abaya-gurly-ksa ????
Well written hira … very true
Nice article.
But again Why are you comparing Pakistani society with that of USA? These two societies are different in terms of culture, education and moral values. We are still evolving as a society and are lot behind in terms of education. To me, education and when I say education, it does not means conventional education. Rather an education which is a blend of moral and religious values, cultural values and many other things…
We are still developing and as the standard of education will grow and people will become more socially and religiously aware, these things will automatically vanish. And one more thing, there are always good and bad people in a soceity; the only difference is their ratio.
God gave us eyes to stare and brain to think.. porn:D
completely natural i say:D
good write ma’m!
God gave us eyes to stare and brain to think.. porn:D
this is what enlightened moderation taught us men!
completely natural i say:D
good write ma’m!
i agree with the eyes to stare wali baat. good looking people deserve to be stared at. but my question though is, when an abaya girl crosses your path, WHAT are you staring at?
@ Rameez
yaar, think about it, our culture is the OLDEST in the world. America’s history starts (or so we’re taught) in 1492. Ours goes back 4000 BC, and Islam dates 632 AD. We are way wayyyy ahead of them culture wise. Thing is, they treat people like people. We on the other hand consider anyone not of our gender, sect and community as a complete and utter alien.
hehehehehehehe…. nice topic waisee…….
well i dont think guys in united states dont stare at girls…..
its not about culture or for how long our culture and moral ethics has existed, its an individual approach towards life….education, culture and values can mould a human being but it cannot eradicate the very main intuition. if we want to bring a change, then we hav to think off the track.
abt the staring thing, we can only ignore these people, cant really pull their eyes off.
oh by the way, people. DO check out the link ahsan has posted. It’s extremely disturbing, considering i can identify a few in my own social circle.
:>
Wow Hira
Talk about having Attention Seeking Syndrome (ASS) , eh ?
we know you went to the states .. :p
Seriously does this have anything to do with me and shabi having a good time at the independence day mela??!! :S
Actually salman, at the moment you’re the ass(hole)
and no ali, this has nothing to do with you two having a good time at the maila, because i HAVE written (again and again) that good looking people deserve to be stared at, and anyway i ogle hot guys as well. Though once again, ogling is different and taking pictures is COMPLETELY different.
What i actually think is amazing though salman, is how you never got past the first line.
@starring at burqa thingy!!!may be men search the suicider???wat say?
afta all male specie has got the sharpest intinct towards DANGER!:D
waise Hira, have you seen the new breed of hot, seductive, body hugging abayas that young girls have started wearing these days?
And not to mention the glittery, colorful embroidery, tassels and ornamentation on them. Can you ignore such a colorful blimp crossing your path?
Not that I am not against peoples’ habit of staring at others, it’s sheer bad manners.
@ Ali Kazmi
Lol!! Yeah, that’s the best excuse yet!
and Furhan, are they really so fascinating that you’d turn your head and keep staring? I mean, seen one colorful tassle wala, skin tight abaya wearing girl and you’ve seen em all, no?
Another very concerned female types a long article to tell us how evil the Pakistani Male community is, and how much disturbed Pakistani womenfolk feel when guys look at them!
While reading, I was hoping that maybe, the author would come out of her self assumed superiority complex over the opposite gender, and perhaps somewhere , she would talk about the reasons why such problems exist in our society. I was disappointed to see another, “Aww he look at me, I feel so bad, someone scrapped me on orkut, which gives me the license to generalize the entire Male community thanks to his stupidity.†*tears..*
And then, we have this beautiful line, “This isn’t a feminist outburst. It’s a human outburst.”
Sister, u are doing no good by raising an issue, blaming a large portion of ur country’s people by generalizing them and ending ur article without discussing a single reason for such attitude, or better yet, by giving any suggestion for rectification of this problem.
The root of this problem is in our education. People in Pakistan (both male and female) still lack (quality) education, and don’t even get me started on sex education!
Sex education is taboo here. No one likes talking about it. The woman is a mystery in our society. There are lots of restrictions on talking, looking at, or socializing with a woman in our society. Now it is human nature that when u make something mysterious for a person, he/she will feel attracted towards it in more than one ways. He/she will want to explore it, and without any (quality) education, added with so many social confusions that you manipulate your religion into creating, his or her quest in trying to explore that mystery will take a stupid, possibly inhumane approach, that is visible in Pakistani community in many ways, out of which one you just mentioned.
Now lets talk about the solution. For our author here, the simplest solution would be to kill all male members of this country
The practical solution of this problem is somewhat simple. You can simply feel the difference of guys’/girls’ attitudes towards each other, especially if they are students of some quality institute, or their parents never restrict them to talk to the member of the opposite sex. The need is to erase these confusions, stop this stupid mentality of blaming men for starring at gals or stop making urself an object of attraction for guys. Don’t bother about the fact that someone is starring at u. At least have a little confidence to confront any person who is looking at u like an idiot and ask him/her the reason for doing so!
But some people write articles to tell how cute they are coz lots of guys are look at them … No offense intended …
No, Hira, but I’d just end up looking that particular one, and not everyone. And it wouldn’t even be a long stare since I’m a quick observer
@ fareed
tum bhi aa tapkay lol
Salman Riaz, why are you stalking the author?
Amna Khan, your website is not yahoo.com.
Hira, interesting story. In Belgium I was speaking to a friend from Paris (a hottie, naturally), and she said that she missed people looking at her on the streets. In fashion-forward cities, its so normal for everyone to look everyone up and down, it feels weird when you are not looked at. Admittedly, there they are looking at your Prada handbag and not through your clothes as they do in Karachi.
GEO MUSHARAF
I think kisi ne tumhe stare karliya thats why ure being such a bi-tch ?
God bless his eyes, he didnt know what he was getting into :p
MR. Malik wrote a pretty good reply HIRA
Kuch seekho
Ms. ASS
stop being so farigh girl, get a life :p
oh… maaf ker do yaar us bichare Osman ko Hira…. us ko to andaza bhee nahi hoga k us ne kiss larki se dosti kerne ki koshish ki ……
well… a nice write up but really u cant categorize all men like the way u have….. n uff Amna u look more irritated thn Hira…
@ Amna
why dont men deserve respect ???? just because few of the men stare at u?? …… yes it is very true that many men stare at women but the case is other way round as well…..but it doesnot mean that all women r demented n they are the awfull creatures on the Earth…..
well some one in the above posts asked about the remedy to the problem… to jab bhe kissee larki ko koi bhee larka ghure to larki ko chhiyeah k us k mun(face) pe aik tikka ker chamat maar de…
that person wont dare to stare u again …..
Yes, this author has generalised because that’s what a lot of male authors do when describing women on the whole, for example:
‘Woman begins by resisting a man’s advances and ends by blocking his retreat’- Oscar Wilde
‘Every woman is wrong until she cries- and then she’s right instantly’- Thomas Chandler Haliburton
Type in ‘quotes- woman’ in your google bar and you’ll get 45 700 000 pages of generalisations. But it’s ok for us since we’re used to it.I mean, vilifying men just started in the 19th century, but insulting women is as old as the Testament. Women comment on men and they’re whiny feminists, men comment on women and they’re witty.
Yes i agree that our education (especially sex education) is inadequate. I can completely understand how people-men in particular- may consider the opposite sex a complete enigma. My question though was, is it necessary to make your curiosity so obvious? Women are just as curious (probably more so because education of any kind is lower in this gender) but they really don’t stare their eyes out at random pedestrians. Men do, because in this society they CAN. And they can blame woman for inciting them to with their tassles and their printed lawn. I’m sorry, but it IS a problem, no matter how much you justify it and no matter how strongly you think i’m trying to be “superior” or “cute”. And even the lack of education doesn’t justify people’s lack of manners.You don’t need to be a Ph.D to know that catcalling, whistling and staring at strangers can be offensive.
I don’t want to pinpoint the male gender in particular, but a lot of your confusion and frustration is of your own creating. Where in one corner your bearded mullah ostracizes women for daringly baring their ankles and hands in public, the other “liberal” shows off his latest debutante in a tube top on city bilboards. And yes, those women are degrading themselves but everyone knows that it’s the simplest way to catch a man’s attention, otherwise why would it be necessary to show a girl in a motorcycle ad? I don’t blame you for being confused on who to follow. Just follow the same rule for all girls. If you want your sisters treated with respect, treat the girls you know with respect, and stop calling them “item” “cheez” and my personal favorite “milkpak”. By the way, these titles i first heard studying at a quality institution.
“The need is to erase these confusions, stop this stupid mentality of blaming men for starring at gals or stop making urself an object of attraction for guys. Don’t bother about the fact that someone is starring at u. At least have a little confidence to confront any person who is looking at u like an idiot and ask him/her the reason for doing so!”
Easier said than done. When a girl wears a scarf or an abaya she’s trying to stop making herself an object of attraction. And if she keeps walking rather than hiding behind a rock when someone stares or whistles at her that probably means it doesnt bother her that much. And i’ve gone so far to question oglers on their face, but their reactions fluctuate between leering and sheepish grins, and a minute later they start again. But even superiority complex laden ASS suffering witches don’t have the guts to tell a point conductor to stop looking at them through their rear view mirrors. You see, when an entire population complains of the same damn thing, you HAVE to start blaming men.
Education is a solution, but it’s going to take time, and it’ll come very very slowly. And really, until you have an extremely successful sex change operation, i doubt you have any right to criticise us for complaining.
you’re still saying this aint a feminist speaking ? :p
it’s just a girl speaking yaar…no feminism involved.
Either u are really confused or u are intentionally trying to ignore some important details in my reply to ur article … Dont make it war between genders … Try to use it as an issue which is critical for both genders and needs to be resolved.
First … If the world (Specially Men as u said) are trying to generalize while describing a women … and you think its wrong, than why you are doing the same thing to defend urself, why using the same old evil shortcut men are using? … This isn’t an approach but Hypocrisy u are openly showing here.
Dont add another page in 45 700 000 search results that are generalizing genders … Have some guts and b confident enough to not use something for ur own rescue if u think thats wrong.
Where i justified the issue that if a guy stares at a gal, its justified and i support it? What are you? 9 years old hyper gal? ever argued with a person above 10 before? Dont take assumptions just for the sake of argument and talk about an issue in hand, stop blaming one gender and talk about solutions … I never justified any starring no matter its from a guy or gal, its wrong, its disgusting and it shows how much desperate you are … what i was trying to do was to make ur “Men are bad” article a little productive by including some suggestions for rectifying the problem.
Confusions and frustrations are created by ur surroundings, environment, society and ur religion (lets call it fabricated religion) … one is always victim of such factors around him or her … Pick a stupid n ill mannered guy and do an experiment of giving him a quality education … give him a mind to think and to be confident about, and u ll see him as a new person … U should get some knowledge about Criminal mentality … why someone is like this? Read Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky … great read for developing understanding about why someone do something …
Dont make me start on Abaya and Burqa etc … these are just tools to undermine female gender n their confidence … why a gal wanna hide herself? why a gal wanna protect herself instead of facing the problems with a brave face? why so defensive … why not attacking? … U are kinda Flawed feminist by the way, saying things that are infact against ur own gender … Why not kill the root problem? why cant we have have shame in our eyes and one need a burqa in this hot weather to surrender herself in front of bad manners and bad education? … Anyhow its ur right to wear burqa or bikini … all am interested in is having shame in my own eyes …
Its any solution requires time … than give it time, stop crying about an issue without talking about its solutions … Its just like Pakistani Media, always criticizing about each and everything Govt does … but never tried to spread hope and solutions to rectify the problems … its a very evening newspaper approach, u can sell lots of newspaper by using such approach but the quality sucks …
I wasn’t complaining about all women … i was complaining about ur Highly Flawed article … And please stop generalizing each and everything u got in ur hands … u are really showing a bad picture of TIP students by writing such articles under “Creative Writings” … You are not representing all female community of this world or even just Pakistan … :p
And last but not the least … am feeling really bad for u coz no one in USA bother to look at u … may be u only attract uneducated and desperate guys … Tough life? Ah :p
No Offense
Arz kiya hai
Sharam Agar Ankhon mein ho tu parda dil ka bhi kafi hai
Bey-haya ho agar ankhien tu asharey Nakabon mein bhi hotey hain
mr. malik’s last para awesomely define’s the author’s personality . believe me i know what i am talking about :p
u guys are really getting mean and personal now.we are celabrating 5 years of newletter with this crap.pls bring me some tea.geo musharaf
I ve to agree with Nizamuddin, Last para in my last post was little harsh and kinda personal attack on author … Though it was a counter attack coz of Author’s suggestion of “sex change operation” which was very much a personal attack in itself … But i think i should apologize for using harsh words for Ms. Hira … am really sorry if i offended her in any way … I ll try to stick to the topic in future.
No hard feelings
Cheers
My argument (according to you) may be flawed but at least i stayed civil.
i didn’t literally ask you to have a sex change operation, i said that you can’t know what harrassment is until you go through it yourself. I’m sorry if you have to resort to name-calling, and insulting to get your point heard. I guess it shows that quality education and good command over english doesn’t really make that much of a difference.
Sigh. geo musharraf.
@
malik!!!
last para…….very very very wel defined!!!
cheers to u!! ;p
Jeez Louise!! Everybody just shut UP!!! :S
Man you guys squabble like anything, lets just conclude this with men are bad, women are bad, we’re all bad and we’ll stay bad!
Because I’m Bad, I’m Bad-
Come On
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I’m Bad, I’m Bad-
You Know It
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
You Know I’m Bad, I’m Bad-
Come On, You Know
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
Just To Tell You Once Again,
Who’s Bad . . .