… And after almost an eternity… I return!
Feels good to be back… though I highly doubt I’m getting a warm welcome, didn’t really leave on a very pleasant note. So… for those of you who know me… “Howdy”… and for those of you who don’t know me… don’t ask the people who do know me because I’m pretty sure they don’t have anything nice to say about me. Lies, nothing but lies I tell you…! Only time will reveal all.
Anyway, as I struggle to rise from my epic failure, I feel as if I’ve lost a big part of myself somewhere so deep and dark, almost unreachable. The art, the talent, my words, thoughts and most importantly the desire to go on… all gone… with the wind! And all that’s left behind is me sitting here on my desktop desperately trying to complete this, absolutely clueless.
There was a time when La Dixit was everywhere around me; my desktop background, my MSN display, even on my Windows log-in icon. I had compiled a gallery of over 3000 pictures of her more than half of those being DVD rips. And now… she’s no more there despite that horrendous effort by Aditya Chopra. I’ve become like the ‘other’ male lead in a typical Bollywood love triangle who after three hours of rain and romance walks away with the thorns and not the rose. Uninspired… unmotivated… almost as if my heart stopped going ‘dhak dhak’ in tune with her ghungroos.
No wait… is it really like that? Am I trying to blame my failure on someone who I don’t even know, or have I failed myself because of some choices I made and because of what followed those choices? Yes, we all make bad choices and sometimes we take a bit too long to realize how bad they were. And by then it’s just too late; they seem to leave a lasting impact on almost everything. No matter how hard you try to forget the past and move on, the past always finds it’s way back somehow haunting you and your furture. Pretty dramatic… but true. And then you say to yourself, “What was I thinking? Why did I do that?”
How important is the answer to that ‘what’ and ‘why’ knowing that I can’t turn back time on me? It could be the biggest turning point in the way I think. Or it could be absolutely meaningless… something I just need to get over. So am I holding myself back because of something which isn’t really worth it, or do I fear failure a second time?
To fear to fail is to fail to have faith in yourself. And that my friends is your cue to realize that you’ve just done something awefully horrible in your life, and that your about to make another awefully horrible choice pretty soon!
… And I better post this or I’ll never write again… it’s been almost two months! By the way, how many of you read ZONG and not ZOMG?